I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
