did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
