ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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