WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
