Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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