I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
