the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
