Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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