No stitches, just platelets and will power
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
