i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
whose parrot is this?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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