I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
