All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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