I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
