you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
