how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.