I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.