dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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