ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
