nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
