Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
