I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
