I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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