i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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