last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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