Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
