This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
