i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize