somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
