actually, I'm a sock model
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
