"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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