whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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