How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
