Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
