The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
