why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
