So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
