she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
