every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
