You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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