chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
