ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
