Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
