Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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