happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize