And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
