So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
