she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
