Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
