I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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