Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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