Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can text with my tongue
well you can't waste a boner
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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