Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
