Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Drake has all the answers
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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