theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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