we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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