careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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