My sheets look like a crime scene.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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