Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
