This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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