i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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