i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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