So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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