soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
