I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My feet surprised me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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