Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
