I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
