You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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