I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
