called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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