allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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