I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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