Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You need Xanax blowdarts
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wear drunk well.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
