Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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