Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
