Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
