get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
