I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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