he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
