Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
