Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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