I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
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