Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
