I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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