I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
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I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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