I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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